Careers: Reverse Astrology & Predicting the Past

In early July, my children and grandchildren, many of whom live elsewhere, came to town for a weeklong visit. It was wonderful to see everybody. And I, as the celebrated patriarch, had a little fun with it.

Watching the sunset from our deck, I was asked to give advice to the grandkids about careers they might pursue. My career, so far, has been 63 years with this newspaper — and nothing else.

“I think astrology would be a good career,” I said. “There’s a great need for it, although not for predicting the future — there’s lots of astrologers who do that — but for predicting the past. I don’t know a single astrologer who predicts the past. It’s a wide-open field. I’ve even been thinking of retiring from the newspaper and taking up reverse astrology.”

Nobody spoke.

“For example, I predict that Donald Trump will be elected president in 2016.”

“Everybody knows that,” somebody said.

“You see?”

More silence.

“Another career I think will be very important is AI. My grandkids should study to become AIs.”

Still more silence, after which the conversation drifted off into something else. The next morning, I came down to breakfast and, in front of everybody, made another announcement.

“I predict that people will storm the U.S. Capitol building on January 6, 2021.”

“We’re going to the beach,” my daughter said. “Want to come?”