Ask Beatty: Is Sexting the New Way to Connect?

People are spending more and more time on their various electronic devices emailing, zooming, gaming, texting and looking at videos. Sexting has become a fast-growing trend and is getting increasingly more popular. How common is sexting? Is it safe? This article will attempt to provide some evidence-based research findings on this increasingly common practice.

WHAT EXACTLY IS SEXTING?

Sexting, also known as “sex texting,” is the act of sending or receiving a sexually explicit message image (nude or semi-nude), or video, usually through a smartphone, app, tablet, computer or other digital device with texting capabilities to someone who you may know or someone who you may want to get to know.

HOW PREVALENT IS SEXTING?

The practice of sexting may be more common than generally thought among adults based on self-reported sexting behavior of 110,380 teenagers and 54,677 adults. According to a recent study, 87.9% of Americans aged 18 years and older reported participating in sexting at some point in their lifetime, with 82.2% reporting that they had done so within the past year; 76.9% of American adults aged 18 years and older reported they participated in sexting within a committed relationship; among American adults aged 18 years and older, 43% reported participating in sexting within a casual relationship; and 12.1% of American adults aged 18 and older reported participating in sexting outside of their relationships.

Although sexting has received growing attention as a risky activity associated with numerous other sexual risk-taking behaviors, the research findings showed that for adults ages 18 and over “there was a robust relationship between sexting and sexual and relationship satisfaction.” In fact, a recent study cited in Psychology Today found that “a boost to one’s self esteem, sexual gratification and improved intimacy and trust with a romantic partner were commonly reported benefits.”

Studies also seem to indicate that sexting among consenting adults is “fun and can increase one’s self esteem and sexual desire.” However, that does not mean that it’s for you. And if you are someone (like me) who has no interest in engaging in sexting, please do not believe for one moment that there is something “wrong” with you or that you are a prude. We all need to find our own comfort level in whatever activities that we choose (or do not choose) to engage in.

TEENAGERS AND SEXTING

It’s no secret that teens use their smartphones to remain connected. A recent study published in JAMA Pediatrics showed that sexting has become more common among adolescents. Estimates by researchers start at a low of 20% of teens and reach higher than 60% in some studies. Teenagers, however, believe that about 90% of their peers are sexting.

I happened to find an old 2015 news report about at least 100 high school students, including 8th graders, from Canon City High School in Canon City, Colorado, who were discovered to have been sending each other nude photographs of themselves, which was part of a large sexting ring. Apparently, 300-400 nude pictures, including images of over 100 different students, were discovered.

The phone-sharing was done using cell phone “vault apps,” which look innocent enough, but are really secret troves of photographs accessible after entering a password. Different point values were assigned to different students. Students who collected naked photographs gained points by adding these desirable children to their collections.

So what is this really all about? Is nudity the new way that young people want to connect with one another? Not long ago, women, in particular, were devastated when they discovered that their current or former partners posted (without their consent or knowledge) nude pictures of themselves in compromising positions that made their way to the internet. Is the tide turning?

After all, Kim Kardashian’s road to fame was followed by her infamous sex tape. Since celebrities and celebrity lifestyles have become role models for many, is it possible that teenagers may actually believe that emailing nude pictures of themselves to others may be the first step toward stardom and discovery?

My personal and professional bias is that we are all spending too much time on our various devices, instead of engaging in healthier and more productive activities. Research tells us that adolescents spend 7.5–9.5 hours a day on their phones. Studies have also found that teenage depression and suicide statistics are at record levels. Although texting and sexting may not be the cause of teenagers’ mental health issues, I think that we can all agree that this type of behavior is not conducive to anyone’s mental or emotional health!

LET’S TALK TO STUDENTS

I feel that we need to speak directly to the students themselves in order to gain a better understanding of their thoughts and feelings with regard to sexting. We need to dialogue with them. We need to ask them questions and moreover ask them to consider the possible consequences of their actions: Why are they willing to do this? Is this the new way to become popular? Are students hoping to be “discovered” and have their photos go viral?

Are they doing it as a result of peer pressure or boredom? What about the students whose photos were not deemed “desirable” enough to be put in other people’s collections? What is the impact of not being chosen going to be on these young people? How is it going to affect their self-esteem and body image when they learn that their pictures did not measure up?

This is the perfect time for schools and parents to be taking the lead in terms of prioritizing mental health and relationship education. Teenagers today are being forced to deal with issues that were non-issues only a few years ago. They need guidance, now more than ever, when it comes to talking about relationships, sex and gender. It’s a confusing time and one of the greatest gifts that we can give them is the opportunity to help them process life’s complexities in a safe and non-judgmental environment.

Beatty Cohan, MSW, LCSW, AASECT is a nationally recognized psychotherapist, sex therapist, author of For Better for Worse Forever: Discover the Path to Lasting Love, columnist, national speaker, national radio and television expert guest and host of the weekly “Ask Beatty Show” on the Progressive Radio Network.

She has a private practice in NYC and East Hampton. Beatty would love to hear from you. You can email your questions and comments to beattycohan.msw@gmail.com. For more info, go to beattycohan.com.