The Golden Bachelor Scammed America: We Let Him Get Away with It

You’re never too old, and it’s never too late to find love. America was ecstatic about the new Golden Bachelor show.

It started out with 22 women ranging in age from 60–75, and one was to eventually be “the one” chosen by golden bachelor Gerry Turner. He was a 72-year-old handsome, emotional, communicative, seemingly sensitive, vulnerable, open, honest and engaging widower who told America that he hadn’t had a date in 45 years but was ready for love again.

The Golden Bachelor delivered the largest audience (7.13 million) for any series in the Bachelor franchise since March 2020.

Turns out, our golden bachelor is an admitted liar. The fact that he began dating “Carolyn” (she did not want to be identified by her real name) two months after his wife died in 2017, and subsequently lived with her for almost two years in his Indiana home, has been widely reported and verified by the Hollywood Reporter and a variety of other news outlets.

She claimed that their relationship came to an end when he disinvited her from his high school reunion because she’d gained weight — pointing to her body and saying, “I’m not taking you to the reunion looking like that.” While packing, Carolyn fell down the stairs, requiring a trip to the ER and foot surgery the following day, as confirmed by a hospital bill viewed by the Hollywood Reporter.

Turner accused her of using the fall as an excuse to prolong her stay and suggested that she was planning to sue him for causing the injury. In the end, he refused to let her stay in the house (that she had been sharing with him) in spite of her injury and sent her to a hotel. Carolyn has also told reporters that while he was portrayed as a retired restaurateur on the show, in reality, he sold his business in 1985 and worked more recently doing handyman work and installing hot tubs.

When questioned about his misrepresentations/lies, Turner responded to Katie Couric with this convoluted answer: “I dated a number of women, but then it becomes an issue of how you define whether you’re in a relationship. There’s just enough truth in the article,” Turner added. “But I have so many positives to think about that I haven’t really given that article a whole lot of thought.”

What does America think about his evasive and manipulative response? Is his soon-to-be-bride Theresa Nist not concerned? She should be.

In a recent article, psychiatrist Dr. Carole Lieberman was quoted as saying that Theresa “should get out of this relationship ASAP.” I completely agree. If, in fact, she still wants to marry a liar, manipulator, conman and someone who allegedly seriously disrespected and emotionally abused his former girlfriend, I hope that she has enough common sense to have her lawyer draw up an ironclad prenuptial agreement.

Where is the outrage among the viewing public that made this one of the all-time most popular shows in television history? Why haven’t we heard from the American Psychiatric Association, the American Psychological Association, the National Association of Social Workers, the National Coalition Against Domestic Violence or any other women’s groups or mental health professionals that supposedly care about mental health and women’s safety?

Is it a sign of the times in America that we’ve normalized lying? Did the ABC producers knowingly cast him misrepresentations and all? And what about Theresa Nist, who’s apparently still planning to marry Turner on The Golden Wedding on January 4?

Is America so desperate for a happily-ever-after-fairy-tale ending that we are willing to ignore serious red flags that continue to put Theresa, and other women following her example, in jeopardy? Is Theresa so naïve?

The reality is that Theresa is not alone in her poor choice of a mate. Let’s look at these statistics: The divorce rate for first marriages is 48%. About 67% of second marriages end in divorce, and 73% of third marriages. Every day, three women die in the United States as a result of domestic violence. Of students surveyed, 20% of high schoolers say that they have been in an abusive dating relationship, and 30% of college coeds allege dating abuse.

Why This Is Happening, What We Can Do

Despite all of the relationship books, therapists, coaches, podcasts, movies and retreats, we are continuing to spiral downwards when it comes to our relationships. Through the research for my book and over 35 years of clinical experience, I have discovered the three things that we all need to learn and do if we ever hope to have a healthy relationship with anyone.

Each person needs to be in a good place emotionally and psychologically. We need to feel good about ourselves and view our relationship as the icing on the cake. We need to be the cake. We need to know who we are and have clarity about what we want and don’t want in a relationship. Unless we are prepared to do this work, it is not possible to have a healthy long-term relationship with anyone. We need to be willing to learn the actual ingredients that go into a healthy relationship.

Many people have not been fortunate enough to experience what a healthy and loving relationship is and isn’t. They need to be open to learning my 10-step, fail-safe formula that I developed while doing research for my book in the Boston and Providence areas. It’s not sexy or romantic, but it teaches you exactly how to assess who’s right or wrong for you before committing to any serious relationship.

It educates, empowers and, above all, will keep you safe! My research found that it takes about a year to do an accurate, in-depth assessment. This process cannot be fast-forwarded. If, however, the red flags are staring you in the face, you need to protect yourself as Dr. Lieberman and I recommend — and exit the relationship as soon as possible.

Our Culture

Just look at television reality shows like The Bachelor, Marriage at First Sight and the Real Housewives series. Dysfunctional relationships are glamorized in the media without analysis or commentary. On the surface, these TV shows can be viewed as innocent entertainment. In reality, their messages about relationships and marriage make a mockery of what it takes to have a healthy, long-lasting relationship.

How many people were fortunate enough to have positive role models for parents to teach them about loving relationships? If we haven’t been taught about what ingredients go into a healthy relationship — and if we rely on misleading portrayals of love in movies, TV and popular music — how can we then expect people to be able to make healthy choices about their own relationships? The truth is that we can’t, and we don’t.

Many people believe that the best way to build strong families is to attack the barriers keeping people from achieving their full potential. Issues like poverty, racism, sexism, unemployment and addictions are often cited as primary reasons for the breakdown of relationships. Although these are contributing factors to marital and family strife, removing these barriers alone will not solve the problem.

In the past 35 years, I have treated some of the wealthiest, best educated and most successful people in Canada and the United States, and I can definitively say that the relationship problems of my rich and famous clientele are no different from the people who I have treated from the inner-city areas of Montreal and Providence. Both groups know virtually nothing about what ingredients go into a healthy relationship, nor have they learned and developed the necessary assessment, emotional communication and problem-solving skills that are needed to find, maintain and sustain a relationship.

In order to discuss my 10-step solution in-depth, I would ask that readers look forward to part two of “The Golden Bachelor Scammed America” in the January 5, 2024 issue of Dan’s Papers.

Beatty Cohan, MSW, LCSW, AASECT is a nationally recognized psychotherapist, sex therapist, author of For Better for Worse Forever: Discover the Path to Lasting Love, columnist, national speaker, national radio and television expert guest and host of the weekly “Ask Beatty Show” on the Progressive Radio Network.

She has a private practice in NYC and East Hampton. Beatty would love to hear from you. You can email your questions and comments to beattycohan.msw@gmail.com. For more info, go to beattycohan.com.