Dan’s Label Service Makes You the Luxury Fashion House

Since many financial investors have homes in the Hamptons, I’d like to tell them about a great new company I’m about to launch. The company will make a $100 million. Minimum investment is $10 million.

The company will manufacture clothing labels to be sewn onto the fashionable collars of well-to-do women’s clothing. The labels will bear the name of the individual. Yes, this is the sort of thing mothers put onto the clothes of young children before sending them off to summer camp. However, there is a twist.

Most wealthy women in New York buy fine clothing made by major fashion houses, such as Chanel, Prada, Gucci and Dior. The fashion houses have their labels on all their clothing.

My company, Dan’s Label Service, will send expert tailors out to the walk-in closets of the wealthy to carefully remove all those labels. In their place, they will sew on labels with the name of the woman on it. These labels will have been designed by a celebrated graphic artist. This will make it appear that the wealthy woman has a fashion line. And that’s the twist.

So for example, a woman named Fifi La Rose could go to a party wearing designer clothes, all of which bear her name. The word “Fashions” will appear after her name. So it will appear that Fifi La Rose Fashions has designed these clothes.

“My, my,” a wealthy investor might say. “You have incredible fashion smarts. And you designed these?”

“I did,” La Rose will reply. “It’s just a hobby.” (There’s a script.)

“Well, this is incredible,” the investor will say.

Thus a new fashion house will be born, well funded. And Dan’s Label Service will, in contracting with La Rose, receive 10% of whatever she raises. Sort of a kickback. I’m sure you understand.

Interested?

For more of Dan Rattiner’s stories, go to DansPapers.com/voices/dan-rattiners-stories. 

HELP PRESERVE DAN’S PAPERS 1960–2024

Stony Brook University intends to digitize the complete set of Dan’s Papers back issues (1960–2024) preserved in the Dan Rattiner Collection within their climate-controlled Whitman Library. A total of $130,000 is needed. Currently, $73,000 has been raised. Every dollar helps. Contribute? Write a tax-deductible check to “Stony Brook Foundation” marked “for Dan’s Papers archive” and mail to Stony Brook Foundation, 230 Administration, Stony Brook University, Stony Brook, NY 11794-1188 or visit sbugiving.com/danspapers.