Taking Stony Brook Southampton Hospital's Post-Procedure Survey

I recently had a minor procedure performed on me at Stony Brook Southampton Hospital. I am not going to tell you exactly what it was. But it was a success. And I’m OK.

Five days after the procedure, I got a letter from Stony Brook Southampton Hospital asking if I would fill out a survey to tell them how things went at the hospital. But when I opened the letter, I found that it consisted of 34 individual questions I was to answer by filling in the circle next to “Yes” or the circle next to “No.” And it had to be in blue or black ink.

I thought that 34 was a lot of questions. With other surveys, they usually ask five questions, or, in the case of Apple, just one.

“Was everything OK? Yes or no.”

So I decided to take a pass. They could get along without me. Two weeks later, however, I got a repeat letter, noting that I had not returned the earlier one. They were watching me. So I changed my mind. I’d give it a go.

“Before your procedure, did your doctor or anyone from the facility give you all the information you needed about your procedure?”

I filled in the circle for “Yes.”

“Did the check-in process run smoothly?”

Yes.

“Was the facility clean?”

Yes.

Indeed, everything they did was just terrific. And so, one after the other, I wrote yes, yes, yes, without looking at the questions. It took only a few minutes. I sealed the survey in the envelope provided and mailed it off.

The next day, I found the earlier survey they had sent that I had never filled out. And I glanced at it. I was horrified. My yes answers had sent everything completely off the rails.

“At any time after leaving the facility did you have pain as a result of your procedure?”

“At any time after leaving the facility did you have nausea or vomiting?”

“At any time after leaving the facility did you have bleeding as a result of your procedure?”

“At any time after leaving the facility did you have any signs of infection?”

I’d had none of these things. But I had answered yes, yes, yes.

I hear sirens. They are getting louder and louder. I think it’s an ambulance coming for me.

For more of Dan Rattiner’s stories, go to DansPapers.com/voices/dan-rattiners-stories. 

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