Ask Beatty: The Golden Bachelor Announces Divorce

America was ecstatic about the new Golden Bachelor show. Starting with 22 women, ranging from 60-75 in age, one was to eventually become ‘the chosen one’. In the end, the ‘lucky’ woman was Theresa Nist, a 70-year old senior compliance officer who works at a financial advisory office on the East Coast. The Golden Bachelor was Gerry Turner, a 72 year-old handsome, emotional, communicative, seemingly sensitive, vulnerable, open, honest and engaging widower, who told America that he hadn’t had a date in 45 years but was ready for love again. The Golden Bachelor delivered the largest audience (7.13 million) for any series in the Bachelor franchise since March 2020.

The televised wedding, paid for in full by ABC, cost approximately $30,000 for the La Quinta Resort and Club venue, $250 per person for 125 guests, a wedding gown costing thousands of dollars and airfare for 120 out -of- town guests. As well, a 3.5 -carat diamond ring, costing approximately $40,000 and  designed by Neil Lane, was given to the happy couple as a gift so long as they married or stayed engaged for more than two years. In addition, both Gerry and Theresa are estimated to having been paid between $100,00 and $250,00 during their season, per a report published by Fox Business.

If you recall, in my December 2023 ASK BEATTY column, “The Golden Bachelor Scammed America: And We Let Him Get Away With It,” our Golden Bachelor turned out to an admitted liar. The fact that he began dating a woman called ‘Carolyn’ (she did not want to be identified by her real name) two months after his wife died in 2017, and subsequently lived with her for almost two years in his Indiana home, has been widely reported and verified by the Hollywood Reporter and a variety of other news outlets. She claimed that their relationship came to an end when he dis-invited her from his high school reunion because she’d gained weight — pointing to her body and saying, “I’m not taking you to the reunion looking like that.” While packing, ‘Carolyn’ fell down the stairs, requiring a trip to the ER and foot surgery the following day, as confirmed by a hospital bill viewed by the Hollywood Reporter.

Gerry accused her of using the fall as an excuse to prolong her stay and suggested that she was planning to sue him for causing the injury. In the end, he refused to let her stay in the house (that she had been sharing with him) in spite of her injury and sent her to a hotel. ‘Carolyn’ has also told reporters that while he was portrayed as a retired restaurateur on the show, in reality, he sold his business in 1985 and worked more recently doing handyman work and installing hot tubs. RED FLAG #1.

When questioned about his misrepresentations/lies, Gerry responded to Katie Couric with this convoluted answer: ”I guess I would say this: I dated a number of women, but then it becomes an issue of how you define whether you’re in a relationship. There’s just enough truth in the article,” Turner added, “But I have so many positives to think about that I haven’t really given that article a whole lot of thought.” Red flag #2.

There were so many obvious red flags staring Theresa and the American public in the face. I personally reached out to dozens of reporters and producers voicing my serious concerns for Theresa’s safety. I even reached out to Theresa herself, with no response. The only media outlet willing to print my article warning about this almost certain fiasco was Schneps Media. And the only mental health professional who was willing to publicly speak out about this was psychiatrist and author Dr. Carole Lieberman MD, who was quoted as saying that Theresa “should get out of this relationship ASAP.”

When are we going to wake up? Are we so desperate and naive for a happily ever after fairy tale ending that we are willing to ignore serious red flags in our relationships and continue to put ourselves at risk?

Where is the outrage among the viewing public that made this one of the all time popular shows in television history? Why haven’t we heard from the American Psychiatric Association, the American Psychological Association, TJENational Association of Social Workers (NASW), the National Coalition Against Domestic Violence, or any other womens organizations or groups or mental health professionals who supposedly care about mental health and women’s safety?

The reality is that Teresa is not alone in her poor choice of a mate. Let’s look at these statistics:

1. The divorce rate for first marriage is 48%.
2. 67% of second marriages end in divorce.
3. 73% of couples marrying for the third time find themselves before a judge in a divorce court.
4. Every day three women die in the United States as a result of domestic violence.
5. 20% of high school students say that they have been in an abusive dating relationship.
6. 30% of college co-eds allege dating abuse.

WHY IS THIS HAPPENING, AND WHAT CAN WE DO ABOUT IT?

Despite all of the relationship books, therapists, coaches, relationship podcasts, movies and retreats, we are continuing to spiral downwards when it comes to our relationships. Through my research, my book For Better for Worse Forever: Discover the Path to Lasting Love and over 35 years of clinical experience I have discovered the three things we all need to learn and do if we ever hope to have a healthy relationship with anyone:

1. Each person needs to be in a good place emotionally and psychologically. We need to feel good about ourselves and view the relationship as the icing on the cake. We need to be the cake. We need to know who we are and have clarity about what we want and don’t want in a relationship. Unless we are prepared to do this work, it is not possible to have a healthy long-term relationship with anyone.
2. We need to be willing to learn the actual ingredients that go into a healthy relationship. Unfortunately, many people have not been fortunate to experience what a healthy and loving relationship is and isn’t.
3. We need to be open to learning the 10-step, fail-safe formula that I developed while doing research with 450 people that culminated in my book, For Better for Worse Forever: Discover the Path to Lasting Love. It’s not sexy or romantic. However, it teaches you exactly how to assess who’s right or wrong for you before committing to any serious relationship. It educates, empowers and above all will keep you safe!

My research found, however, that it takes about a year do do an accurate and in-depth assessment. Unfortunately, this process cannot be fast-forwarded. If, however, the red flags are starring you in the face, you need to protect yourself as Dr. Lieberman and I recommend — and exit the relationship as soon as possible.

In my next ASK BEATTY column I will again review my 10-step formula. It educates, empowers and above all…will keep you safe!

Beatty Cohan, MSW, LCSW, AASECT is a nationally recognized psychotherapist, sex therapist, author of For Better for Worse Forever: Discover the Path to Lasting Love, national speaker, national radio and television expert guest and host of the weekly Ask Beatty Show on the Progressive Radio Network. She has a private practice in NYC and East Hampton.

Beatty would love to hear from you. You can send your questions and comments to her at BeattyCohan.msw@gmail.com. For more info, go to beattycohan.com.