Congestion Pricing Adds Fee to Cars Entering Hamptons for Labor Day Weekend

Congestion pricing, the program that would have charged a fee for automobiles entering Manhattan below 60th Street but was turned down by Gov. Kathy Hochul, is now in effect in the Hamptons.

It began on August 29 at 12:01 a.m., the official start of Labor Day weekend, and will remain in effect until 12:01 a.m. on Tuesday, September 3, when Labor Day weekend comes to an end. At that point, officials will decide whether to bring it back for Columbus Day weekend when crowds of automobiles once again make driving here almost impossible. It has already been decided to bring it back for the summer of 2025.

“It’s about time somebody did something about this horrendous situation,” one motorist stalled on David Whites Lane in Southampton who asked to remain anonymous, said.

Most folks in the Hamptons won’t even notice that congestion pricing is in effect this weekend. It’s all being done electronically; license plate numbers are being read. Fees are being automatically collected from motorists’ credit cards or bank accounts.

You may notice the cloud of drones that hover over all the entry points into the Hamptons, taking pictures of license plates to make it happen. They will be over the “Stargazer” statue in Manorville, near Sunrise Highway at the Shinnecock Canal bridge, on Montauk Highway in Westhampton Beach, and also at South Ferry, the boat slip in North Haven where cars come into the Hamptons from Shelter Island and the North Fork.

Unlike the proposed congestion fee in Manhattan that did not go into effect, the fee here is not one-size-fits-all. Here in the Hamptons, the fees charged will vary with the value of the automobile. Cars with low value, such as old Toyota Corollas, will be charged $5 per entry. Cars of midsize value, up to $60,000, will be charged $50 per entry. Cars valued up to $100,000 will be charged $200 per entry, and cars valued over that will be charged $999 per entry. The idea is to go easy on the locals, but hit the wealthy with a fee they wouldn’t mind but would seem appropriate. By the way, for cars valued over $250,000, the fee is zero. We are happy to have the ultra-, ultra, ultra-rich here. And though they will pay no fee, voluntary contributions will be appreciated, either by check, cash, stocks, bitcoin or money order. All will be tax deductible.

And funds collected will be turned over to the New York State Department of Transportatio,n not for the purpose of building more roads, but for building speed bumps at 100-yard intervals on all existing roads.

Officials from Hampton Township have been secretly working to launch this project for months. It was understood that this might be opposed by som; but, with the situation desperate, they’ve plowed ahead.

The project did need to get its approval from Hochul, however. You may remember that she was out in the Hamptons on August 9 to announce the state’s $2.5 million contribution to restoring the beach at Ditch Plains in Montauk for the surfers. But she was also here to decide — secretly — upon our congestion pricing plan. When a traffic jam prevented her from getting to Ditch Plains to announce the beach funding gift to the surfers personally, thus causing her driver to turn around, she was swayed toward approving the Hamptons Congestion Pricing plan, she later said. And then, in a further traffic jam heading back to the airport, she missed her plane back to Albany so was unable to sign an emergency order permitting the state government to restore its use of operating funds despite a passed deadline, a confusion caused by Republican legislators. Thus the state government had to shut down completely for three hours that day. You may recall nobody answering the phone at government offices for those hours on August 9 and many government websites failing to load. The next morning, back at her desk in Albany, Hochul signed off on both the congestion pricing plan in the Hamptons and a new emergency law that released the delayed funding.

In addition to the congestion pricing operation, several new traffic laws, attached to the bill, were put into effect to prevent more bad automobile behavior here.

Firing weapons at drones is now punishable by $1,000 fines and 60 days in jail.

Making left turns at any Hamptons intersection will result in having your vehicle impounded and then crushed at a junkyard.

Road rage over Labor Day weekend in the Hamptons will be considered a capital offense punishable by death, becoming an exception to the state law that prevents that from happening.

Also, if two cars owned by the same individual enter the Hamptons, the fee for the second car will be double that of the first. A third car will be double the second.

Other parts of the law hope to soften the blow of these fees.

People who are charged a fee can appeal the matter at the time of their court date. Reasons for having it reversed can be that the car has an alibi and can be shown to be elsewhere at the time of the ticket, the value of the car is inaccurately calculated — calculations come from new and used car estimates, or the person owning the car is a local, with ancestry showing they have been in the Hamptons for at least five generations. If six generations or more, an owner will receive a gift of $1,000 for each offense.

Also, bringing a personal tax return to the hearing showing that the car owner had an income below $135,000 (the poverty level for the Hamptons) can have the fee reversed. Fees also will be reversed for town building inspectors, volunteer firefighters, police officers, ambulance drivers, lifeguards, doctors, animal rescue personnel, barbers and paramedics. Also anyone who lives in their car.

Owners of trucks and buses that have been fined will have their fines reversed if they can be shown to be real trucks and buses and can prove it by, say, taking pictures of them that show they are trucks and buses.

Also, know that you can drive a car out of the Hamptons without paying a fee. That’s something for free. Think of it that way. You have to pay the fee to bring it back.

Well, enjoy the Hamptons, and if you can find a place to park, let me know.

Don’t panic, people, this is a joke! Obviously.

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To read more of Dan’s stories, go to danspapers.com and search for Dan Rattiner’s Stories.