Ask Beatty: The Dangerous Case of Having a Narcissist in the White House or in Your House

People either love or despise Donald Trump. This article is not aimed at trying to persuade you on how to vote – by the time you’re reading it, the election will be over.  His rallies have become love fests for his audiences. Prominent figures in the business, political and entertainment world who have endorsed and campaigned with him include the world’s richest man Elon Musk, media psychologist Dr. Phil, Kid Rock, Hulk Hogan, Mel Gibson, and Kelsey Grammer – even third party rival Robert F. Kennedy Jr. has broken ranks and jumped over to his side. Millions want to be in his presence and adore what they feel is his charisma and business successes. Others cringe at the mention of his name and fear the end of our democracy if he becomes president. Numerous books and movies have been written about his early family life, his love-hate relationship with his father, his womanizing, affairs, wealth, marriages, and legal problems.  Most agree he’s a complex figure; a provocative figure! For many others, a dangerous one.

Many former Trump administration officials, including some of his generals, ambassadors and national security officials have since described him as a narcissistic, petulant child – a liar and fascist. His lack of basic knowledge of a complex, dangerous world represents a danger to our own democracy.  Members of his cabinet have questioned his loyalty to the country, his dictatorial, authoritarian statements and his chaotic, volatile behavior. His press aides have talked about his lack of integrity and his bullying tendency to attack others in brutish, dehumanizing ways. His own vice president, Mike Pence, has accused him of being reckless and putting himself above the Constitution and has refused to endorse him in the election.

No one in America brings out the love him or hate him feelings more strongly than Donald Trump. That seems to be the way he wants it as it seemingly allows his combative, narcissistic nature to thrive. As a practicing psychotherapist with over 35 years of clinical experience, during which time I’ve diagnosed thousands of children and adults with a variety of psychiatric issues, I’m qualified and have met the professional criteria to offer a diagnosis of a psychiatric or mental disorder. I, of course, have not given Donald Trump an official in person mental health examination.

But I still feel comfortable saying that on review of the DSM-5 – the American Psychiatric Association’s Diagnostic Criteria Manuel – Donald Trump meets all nine criteria of someone with a Narcissistic Personality Disorder.

Let’s review the criteria and decide for ourselves whether we feel comfortable having a president exhibiting the characteristics of a Narcissistic Personality Disorder. This should help us decide whether we should be involved with a friend, lover or spouse who exhibits these characteristics as well.

Here are the DSM-5’s criteria:

(a) Has a grandiose sense of self-importance. Exaggerates achievements and talents. Expects to be recognized as superior without commensurate achievements.

(b) Is preoccupied with fantasies of unlimited success, power and brilliance.

(c) Believes that he is ‘special’ and unique and can only be understood by, or should associate with other special or high-status people or institutions.

(d) Requires excessive admiration.

(e) Has a sense of entitlement, unreasonable expectations of especially favorable treatment.

(f) Is interpersonally exploitative. Takes advantage of others to achieve his own ends.

(g) Lacks empathy. Is unwilling or unable to recognize or identify with the feelings and needs or others.

(h) Is often envious of others or believes that others are envious of him.

(I) Shows arrogant, haughty behaviors or attitudes.

This diagnosis is particularly problematic for someone seeking the highest office in the country. A person who is arrogant, haughty, lacks empathy, has a sense of entitlement, requires excessive admiration and who is preoccupied with grandiosity can only look at issues in terms of how it will affect him, how it will make him feel and how it will make him look. It is always about him.

Our country’s many social issues and concerns such as rising poverty rates, skyrocketing housing and food costs, the mental and physical health of all Americans, the environmental catastrophe looming, our involvement in endless wars, our need for a true security rooted in peace and justice in a dangerous, polarized world, et cetera, will always be secondary when you have a true narcissist at the helm.  Win/win deals are not the goal of this sort of person. A true narcissist like Trump is only interested in winning and that fundamentally means him winning above all else. He tells us this all the time. We need to listen to him and believe what he says. If having a president who exhibits these characteristics is something that doesn’t concern you, then you can feel confident in your decision to have voted for him. It should also challenge you to decide whether you want to be involved intimately or as a friend with a person like this as well.

In writing my Ask Beatty advice column, my goal is not to dictate how you should live your life or tell you who you should or should not be associating with.  My primary purpose is to educate you about what a healthy relationship (both personal, professional and political) looks like, pointing out the reality and consequences of our choices. The fact is that despite all of the relationship and self-help books, therapists, love coaches and life coaches, statistics tell us that we continue to be in a downward cycle precisely because we do not have clarity about the ingredients that must be present if a relationship is to succeed.  Far too often we continue to make poor assessments and choices. In the final analysis, each of us needs to decide how we want to live our lives.  My hope is that in some small way, I can help to educate, empower and keep you safe!

Beatty Cohan, M.S.W., L.C.S.W., A.A.S.E.C.T. is a nationally recognized psychotherapist, sex therapist, author of For Better for Worse Forever:  Discover the Path to Lasting Love, columnist, national speaker, national radio and television expert guest and host of the weekly ASK BEATTY SHOW on the progressive Radio Network.  She has a private practice in New York City and East Hampton.  Beatty would love to hear from you.  You can send her your questions and comments to BeattyCohan.msw@gmail.com. For more information go to BeattyCohan.com