Sellenthal: When Silence Makes a Loud Statement

I was conducting a sales training seminar at a New York-based company a few months ago when one of the salespeople asked me to identify my favorite chapter in my latest book, a question no one had ever asked me.

Without hesitation, I answered, “I’m partial to many of them, but if I had to choose a favorite, it would be the one about silence being golden.”

The salesperson smiled and said, “It’s my favorite, too,” a comment I confirmed as sincere in a conversation we had after the seminar.

Over the years, I’ve always instinctively known what to do when a customer or prospect loses his temper – I’m talking spitting mad – with me personally or with a member of my staff.

Rather than reacting defensively, I’ve encouraged the angry party to spill his or her guts out by saying something along the following lines: “I know you’re angry and I want you to detail the reasons why before suggesting any remedies.”

Except for muted encouragement such as “OK,” “I understand,” or “I get it,” I never interrupt. Rather, I urge him or her to tell me more, never saying anything until I’m certain all anger has been spent and that I’m talking to a totally calm individual. At that point, I usually softly but firmly tell the person, “You’ve given me a lot to think about and that’s exactly what I intend to do before calling you or putting something in writing; in other words, I want to make sure I can fix things to your satisfaction. You can count on me getting back to you in a day or two. And that’s a promise.”

If, and only if, the person absolutely insists that we settle the issue then and there, I might agree – but the last thing I want to do is re-open the proverbial can of worms.

I admit that my approach failed once when a customer flipped out over an editorial piece that, according to him, implied that he was breaking the law. “Reading the article,” he claimed, “was like watching my wife and daughter getting raped.”

I knew that the analogy had unnerved me because, as I was leaving the meeting, I tried to put on the blue sports jacket of another attendee at the meeting who was a 36 Small. Mine was a 44 Long.

“Sellenthal” is a monthly column by Ira Ellenthal, author of The Last Book About Selling That You’ll Ever Need (Amazon, $21.95).