Managing Holiday Joys & Holiday Blues in a Healthy Way

Around this time of the year, there are constant reminders and expectations for people to be joyful and merry. A never-ending stream of holiday music begins to be heard, along with non-stop messages by advertisers reminding us that ‘tis the season to be jolly. These ads, subliminal and overt, skillfully pull at our heartstrings, depicting poignant scenes of  happy, smiling people enjoying elegant meals together, exchanging the perfect gifts. The reality of course, is that for many fortunate people the holidays are indeed a time to celebrate, rejoice and connect with loved ones.

As a child growing up in Winnipeg, Canada, the holidays represented a time of family togetherness, great food, eating in the dining room with ‘fancy’ dishes and giving and receiving presents. Both my mother and father’s family lived in Winnipeg, enabling all of us to have very easy access to each other. Family ritual was very important, so we all knew that we would always be together during the holidays. They were truly joyful times. Times that I remember and cherish.

Cherish Your Holiday Joys and Good Fortune

If you happen to be one of the fortunate ones, whose lives and relationships are mostly happy, healthy and joyful, try and enjoy every moment. You have been given a gift. I hope that you are able to appreciate your good fortune and practice gratefulness and gratitude every day. As we get caught up in our own lives, it’s easy to take things and people for granted. Remember to routinely thank the people in your life who love and support you. These relationships (not material goods or money) is what sustains and nourishes us-not just during the holidays, but throughout our entire lives. Cherish them!

Remembering the Less Fortunate

Today more and more families do not experience holidays the way I did as a child. Literally hundreds of millions of people around the world are trying to survive,  trying to get through their days as best as they can, as they attempt to cope with their reality of poverty, war, death, loneliness, estrangement, divorce, unemployment and illness. Their daily plights are often matters of life and death. They scramble and work hard to find the simplest ways to survive. These people need to work much harder to experience joy and happiness in their every day lives. Finding and creating ways to enjoy the holidays under dire circumstances becomes a monumental challenge.

It’s easy to get so caught up in our own lives that we forget that the holidays is supposed to be a  time of giving and sharing.    Consider volunteering at a soup kitchen. Donate unneeded clothes to a local charity or women’s shelter. Work with others trying to end wars and famine in other parts of the world. The list is endless. What you can do to help put a smile on someone’s  face other than your own, should become more and more a part of your holiday experience.

Dealing With Divorce and Estrangement During the Holidays

Divorce and estrangement pose unique emotional and geographical challenges for parents and children alike, particularly during the holidays. In the case of divorce, parents need to come together and figure out (ideally long before the holidays) an arrangement that will be in the best interest of their children. This is not the time to be fighting about schedules nor arguing about who is the ‘better’ parent. If we truly love our children, this is the time, if at all possible, for rational discussion, compromise, tradeoffs, leading to a win-win resolution.  Dealing with the painful realities of divorce under the best of circumstances is never easy. This is particularly true if there are children involved. We have an opportunity and moral obligation each and every day to try to demonstrate to our children as well as to ourselves, that differences and conflict can still be dealt with in a humane manner.

Who could have imagined that 1 in 4 adult children are estranged from their parents?  The holidays magnify this separation, loneliness and disconnection. In my private practice in New York City and East Hampton, my goal is to help bring people together, if at all possible. I strongly believe that the majority of families can heal and even flourish. What’s necessary of course, is that family members need to be genuinely interested and care enough to at least try and repair their fractured relationships; by opening their hearts and be willing to make amends for past wrongdoings and hurts. If there’s a will, there’s a way!

Forget the Holidays!

Perhaps you are someone who wants no part of the holidays. Maybe you’re alone. Maybe you’re needing a break from your usual daily routine. No need to explain or justify your reasoning. Perhaps you just want some alone time to do absolutely nothing.  Maybe you want to spend the day(s) indulging yourself by watching movies, taking solo walks, sleeping in until noon, luxuriating in your bathtub, ordering in a fancy meal, or taking yourself to your favorite restaurant. Nurturing yourself every day should always be a priority, not just during holiday time. But do remember to find ways to give and share as well. It’s the best assurance you have to experience the the joys of holidays and the joys of life.

Beatty Cohan, M.S.W., L.C.S.W., A.A.S.E.C.T. is a nationally recognized psychotherapist, sex therapist, author of For Better for Worse Forever:  Discover the Path to Lasting Love, columnist, national speaker, national radio and television expert guest and host of the weekly ASK BEATTY SHOW on the Progressive Radio Network. She has a private practice in New York City and East Hampton.  Beatty would love to hear from you.  You can email her at BeattyCohan.msw@gmail.com.  For more info go to BeattyCohan.com