Taylor Swift on Hamptons Subway as Chiefs Fans Cause Ruckus

SCENE ON THE SUBWAY

Kansas City Chiefs fans created a ruckus on the Sag Harbor to Bridgehampton line last Sunday evening. Among those there was Taylor Swift, apparently here visiting friends secretly so as to cover up the fact that she’s house hunting.

NO PROBLEM

One of Donald Trump’s earliest executive decisions was aimed specifically at Hamptons Subway when he announced that the Hamptons Subway staff would have to shrink by half over this past weekend. We would have to decide who was best for any particular job and let go anybody who was not the best go.

This never happened, however. And won’t. Subway Commissioner Aspinall sent a message via one of his emissaries to remind the President that his edicts only apply to government employees and not anyone in private enterprise. Hamptons Subway is privately owned so is able to avoid this. And so Commissioner Aspinall could defy the president in this particular case – he also reminded the president of their close friendship going back many years — and so was able to reassure his many relatives and a few others who are on the payroll “just to be there if needed” that their jobs are safe and that the order can be ignored.  At least for now anyway.

HAPPY WEDDING ANNIVERSARY

Carlos Miguel and his bride of 35 years, Harriet Phipps Miguel, celebrated their anniversary yesterday with breakfast at Mickey D’s Deli on the Sag Harbor Turnpike in Bridgehampton and dinner at the Meadow Club in Southampton. Both places were packed with friends for each of the occasions.

DELAY BETWEEN WATER MILL AND SOUTHAMPTON

On Tuesday afternoon, one of the subway trains hit a big pothole on the tracks somewhere in the tunnel between Water Mill and Southampton that knocked out the lights, both on the train and in the subway tunnel. On the train, panic ensued for awhile in the darkness, but the lights went back on when the train arrived at Southampton. As for the tunnel, men have been sent in to find the pothole and plug it up but so far they have not found it, because the lights also went out on that part of the track and still have not come back on. Trains creep through there now.

MTA AND HAMPTON SUBWAY JOIN HANDS

Just in time for Valentine’s Day, the New York City Subway System agreed to become the sister subway system to the Hamptons Subway so long, the letter of approval says, that it does not mean they have to do anything.

YARD SALE AT SUBWAY OFFICE

An employee yard sale will take place on the sidewalk in front of the Hamptons Subway Headquarters Building on February 14 between 9 and 3 pm, weather permitting. We are on Ponquogue Avenue, just down from the Library in Hampton Bays. All are welcome. Among the items being sold, for cheap, are thousands and thousands of subway tokens that years ago were used on the system. Straphangers would push them into little slots in the turnstyles and then they could go through. Now we use swipe cards, but it’s the same thing.

MISTLETOE

On Valentine’s Day, which is Feb. 14, the front of each and every subway train on our system will have a little sprig of mistletoe just above the headlight. Get caught under that and you get a kiss. Another new idea from our new marketing woman, Alice Ginzberg. Good luck lady with your new job.

HAPPY ANNIVERSARY

This is the third anniversary of the surgery performed on motorman Fred Thimble’s hip that worked out so well. Happy Anniversary, Fred.

BEAUTY CONTEST?

Some of our employees are talking about holding an annual beauty contest to select Miss Hamptons Subway. It would take place during the month of July when all those beautiful young things from New York City are out here. The winner would be announced just before the Hampton Classic Horse Show and would get a ticket book allowing her ten free rides on the New York City Subway System, a guest shot on America’s Got Talent, the opportunity to compete as Miss Hamptons Subway in Donald Trump’s Miss America Contest, a lunch with Subway Commissioner Bill Aspinall, a solo bareback performance before the Grand Prix at the horseshow and, this is hard to believe, a one year all expenses paid free pass on the Hamptons Subway.

COMMISSIONER ASPINALL’S MESSAGE

I am not sure that the proposed beauty contest for Miss Hamptons Subway is a good idea. Why not have a Mr. Hamptons Subway and a Mr. and Mrs. Hamptons Subway too? Maybe we could have a Mr. Hamptons Subway Cat Contest, which my wife is suggesting. Has anybody run this by the Environmentalists? The Tea Party People? Could we get sued? Don’t they have to be over a certain age?

On another matter, the staff here at Hamptons Subway is taking up a collection to get our Chief Subway Dispatcher Ted McPherson out on bail. He is awaiting trial on charges of climbing up through a floor grating in a girls’ locker room in Bay Shore High School three weeks ago, all covered with mud, having gotten lost taking a subway train to get to New York from Westhampton.  It’s a long story. And we need him back here. Is there a lawyer out there who would like to offer his or her services?

Meanwhile, what the hell is going on there? All the planes here in Fiji are grounded as the typhoon has not yet come.