Dealing with a Shock Medical Diagnosis: When Life Throws You a Curveball

What happens when a routine annual doctor’s visit turns into a nightmare, with a diagnosis that has potentially life-changing repercussions?   Your own daily schedule has been the same for years.   You’re used to waking up in the morning, drinking your your favorite coffee, heading out to the gym, showering and beginning your work day. You’re happily married. Your children are doing well.   You have lots of friends and have never had any major or even minor health issues.  And best of all — at 65, you’re playing the best tennis of your life.  Life could not be better.

But life invariably and inevitably throws us all curve balls at some point.  Dealing with the unexpected and unknown is a challenge that creates anxiety, worry, pain, depression, heartbreak and fear.  It’s a time when many fall apart.  But it can also be a time to try and stay calm, be adaptive and think positively — not easy to do in the throes of a crisis.  It’s why it’s important to ask for support from friends and family, who will hopefully be able to help you navigate your new and bumpy terrain.

Case Study

Cynthia is a new patient of mine. She recently called my office in a panic. She told me that she is having panic attacks -multiple times a day since her recent visit to her family doctor. She had been experiencing tingling and heaviness in her legs and thought nothing of it until it became more and more difficult to walk. Following multiple tests and a referral to a neurologist, Cynthia was told that she needed major back surgery. Without it, she would be at risk for paralysis and might never be able to walk again.

My Initial Session with Cynthia

I recently met with Cynthia, who is in an understandable state of shock. Prior to this event, Cynthia was a happy, healthy and joyful woman — grateful for her charmed life. Although she has a strong and loving support system, she felt that she needed a safe place to talk, where she didn’t feel the pressure to project an image of being ‘strong’. Our short-term  therapy has helped her express and work through her feelings of shock, fear, depression, anger, and ‘why me’- without being judged or without judging herself. I helped guide her to a place where she is better able to accept her situation, with a concrete plan of action that will enable her to move forward more positively and realistically. She is now more emotionally ready and prepared to tackle her situation with more confidence and less fear.

Get a second opinion – or maybe a third

It can be very overwhelming when we are faced with major medical decisions in our life. This is the time to take a deep breath, slow down and do your research. That might mean getting a second or even third medical opinion. You need to familiarize yourself with your condition and the various nonsurgical and surgical protocols. It would be a good idea to take a trusted friend or family member with you on your appointments. They would be there as a source of support and would be able to take notes that you could review at a later and less stressful time.

Do you feel comfortable with your doctor?

Despite a medical expert’s degrees and experience, a patient’s comfort level with his/her provider is very important. You want someone who is warm, compassionate and available and who makes the time to answer all of your questions. If you discover that your insurance does not cover all of your medical expenses, feel free to try and negotiate your fees with your doctor or his staff. A provider who really cares about you and your well-being will be willing to ease your financial concerns and either reduce the fee or help you work out a payment plan that works for you.

The day of your surgery

The day for your surgery has finally arrived. You’ve just kissed your husband goodbye. You’re being wheeled into surgery.  You’re scared. You’re shivering, despite the warm blankets. The surgery is scheduled to last for several hours. There are many unknowns. You know that the exact medical situation and degree of surgical work necessary is never fully known until the surgeon has started operating on you. Although your doctor has assured you that you will be fine and will be able to resume your previous life and activities, there’s really no way to know for certain for several weeks and maybe months. It’s the not knowing that causes the most panic and anxiety. You see your doctor, nurses and the anesthesiologist – just before being put to sleep. Although you’re not religious, you pray for the best.

Heal thyself

Your surgery is over. Now the physical and emotional healing process begins. It’s going to take some time before you begin to feel like your old self again. You’re going to experience a lot of physical and emotional ups and downs. Be gentle with yourself.  You don’t have to be stoic.  Make sure to follow your doctor’s instructions. Get plenty of rest. As you begin to heal, give yourself permission to express your fears, frustrations and sadness, as well as your gratitude and relief that the surgery is over.  I have always believed in the power of positive visualization. Let yourself visualize that your body is beginning to heal and that you will be able to retain much of your lifestyle prior to your surgery. If it doesn’t work out exactly as you hope, still try and remain positive.  With  lots of loving support, self-care and self-love,  you will find ways to reset so that you’re able to live your life to the fullest.